Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A lot on my mind recently

Well, some of you know that I've been dealing with a lot with my back being messed up. Those of you who don't, I was pushed by a patient at work (who WAS in her right mind and did it on purpose). I hurt my back really bad and have had steroid injections, physical and massage therapy and have been pretty much flat on my back on lots of pain meds (i HATE taking pills for ANYTHING). I did start back to work light duty recently and has just made me feel miserable day in and day out. I've been doing my best to stay positive and laugh as often as I can. Its really frustrating not being able to do the things you enjoy everyday or not being able to make plans because I'm not sure I'll be better by then, etc etc. This has been giving me lots of time to think, think, think. Not to mention, I'm going through my Sookie Stackhouse novels pretty darn fast. I'm finishing up my Bachelors this semester to go on to my Masters in Anesthesia. I've been thinking about this and thinking about my true love, art. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've loved my job as a nurse but this whole back thing has put a bad taste for nursing in my mouth. All the helping people, day in and day out and no appreciation. Sometimes, I think its just not worth it. That's why I want my Masters in Anesthesia. I don't really have to deal with patients that are just rude and unappreciative. I'll be respected, have status, and get paid well. My dilemma lies in all the work to get accepted and stress related to it and wanting to just do what I absolutely love instead but not get all the perks of being a CRNA. I mean, 28 months of full time school, little time for family, stress about finances, etc. The pay off in the end is so worth it, I'm told. I haven't met one CRNA that hasn't loved their job. With my back injury, its making me just want to relax and destress and do what I enjoy. I do go through this a lot. The back and forth and weighing whats for the best. I can't help it. I'm constantly re-evaluating the situation. I'm just so close to the application process and doing all the final things to get ready. Even though I interviewed, I decided I want to wait until at least January to start to save money and enjoy the 2 paychecks for awhile. I have so many artistic endeavors I want to do to help me de-stress. I think I need a pampering too, manicures, pedicures, massages, facials, etc, to help me get in the mode. Maybe after the move and a little bit of spa treatment, I'll be recharged and ready to head it on and I won't be worrying so much. Yea, I'm glad I decided to write this post. That's what I'm gonna do. Get RECHARGED!

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